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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Greatest Advice You Will Ever Receive

    "You cannot look to other people in your life to make you happy. Period. And you cannot let other people make you unhappy. Let's just say you married some bastard who's cheating on you, man or woman, and so then it makes you unhappy. No, it should not make you unhappy. Get rid of them. Get them out of your life. I had somebody tell me the other day they had a sister who was ragging on their ass, and they got tired of it and they said 'to preserve my own self-esteem and self-respect, I stopped talking to her.' End of story. I mean, man, it's just ridiculous. That's why people have been going to shrinks, drinking, taking pills, and all that. You're waiting around for Prince Charming to come riding in on a white horse, he ain't comin'. And if your parents were jerks, they were jerks. Move on."--Don Imus, from the May 8, 2014 airing of "Imus in the Morning"

    With rumours swirling that Imus will soon be leaving his Fox Business morning show and, in doing so, ending a storied radio and television career spanning 43 years, I have taken some time to look back on the past 14 months I have spent watching his morning show and the times and circumstances which were prevalent then and now. In the year 2014, Imus and his show gave both a reassuring face and an in control voice to a very difficult personal period in my life. I was dealing with the deadeningly hopeless state of affairs that was my friendship with a local woman(I won't name names, though some may know who I'm talking about if they know me personally), not to mention the subsequent fallout of my choice to(Spoiler alert) end that friendship.

    This person made a point to lie at every opportunity and promptly lose it whenever I would ask questions or outright call her out on her, to put it very mildly, tall tales. Lots of empty promises were made. Now, I believed a lot of those empty promises, mainly because I felt that if I believed them, then they would actually come to fruition. About a month earlier, we got into a verbal 'confrontation' over a couple of her loftier promises, whereby she told me that maybe she would keep her word, and maybe she wouldn't. I only bothered listening to those last two words and audibly, disgustedly, and exasperatedly muttered "whatever," to her obvious disgust. By this Thursday morning, with my faith and my respect totally shot to pieces, I was not often finding myself in communication with her.

    I don't remember much about the 5/8/14 airing of "Imus in the Morning" aside from, sometime in the 7 AM hour, Imus saying that, at the top of the hour, he would be giving us "the best advice you will ever receive." My interest was sufficiently piqued, so I stayed alert and tuned in to see what he was going to say(not like I was going to be tuning out, anyway). I was very blown away when I heard those words, and I knew instantly how they applied to my situation. Saving the recording of his show, I watched it again later and wrote down, word for word, everything that he said for posterity's sake.

    Needless to say, this piece of advice, though not directly pertinent to my exact situation, gave me a lot to think about and ultimately helped move me in the direction of cutting this friend off(a mere nine days after I heard this advice). She may very well now be pulling strings to sabotage my friendship with her grand-daughter(there's only a few years of age difference between myself and the latter), proving my long-held belief that people are only mere Chess pieces in her perverse and twisted life's game, but I still have no regrets about my decision to cease all association with her.

I would like to sincerely thank Mr. Imus for issuing this timely and needful advice. Your show was and is absolutely great(I have loved it since Summer 2002, when my mother would watch it in the Morning before I would go off to Summer School), and it was my love of the show that got me to go to the 'I Heart Radio' website when I was away from television and listen to it there. I will miss it, you, and all of the show's crew members if you do, in fact, go off the air in the next few weeks.

My best regards to the I-man.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

An Argument For Expanding the Electoral College Down to the State, County, & City Level

People have been arguing in favour of a national popular vote for many decades, but particularly since the Bush versus Gore fiasco in 2000. Not only do I support keeping the Electoral College on the federal level, but I also support instituting Electoral College-type systems on the state and local levels.

This is something I have given considerable thought to. National elections have come down to a select few states(Colorado, Florida, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia), and it will continue to stay that way even if our system of elections were moved to a national popular vote, as the parties know not only where their bread is buttered, but also by whom it is buttered. The smaller states need to retain their influence if we are to be a free society with leaders chosen by the many, and not an enslaved and polarized society with leaders chosen by the few.

The purpose of the Electoral College is to give small states more say in the Presidential election, as 3 electoral votes out of 538 has a lot more influence than does a state of 125,000 trying to determine the course of a nation of 330,000,000. This was the desire and vision of the founders. Unfortunately, it now seems that the voices of the National Popular Vote movement would have willingly fought against them in the American Revolution. Before we go any further, whose words would you be more inclined to listen to: The Founding Fathers or the voices of a fringe political movement? I thought so.


On the state level, each county is given a certain number of electoral votes based on population. That means, in my state, the counties of Glascock and Taliaferro would have the least number of electoral votes and one of the metro-Atlanta counties(Cobb, DeKalb, Fulton, Gwinnett) would have the greatest number. How many total electoral votes would be best determined by the legislature, with input from population and regional experts. On the local level, counties would be divided up into regions and cities divided up into wards and a certain number of electoral votes awarded to certain regions/wards based on population levels.

Now take my state of Georgia. Elections on the state level are beginning to come down to a few key counties in the Atlanta Metropolitan area(Cobb, Douglas, Gwinnett, Henry, Newton). Outside of key metropolitan area counties(Albany, Athens, Atlanta, Augusta, Colombus, Dalton, Gainesville, Macon, Millegeville, Rome, Savannah), most counties have fairly low populations. The Electoral College system gives a stronger voice to rural, low-population counties, which include the Liberal bastions of Taliaferro County and those mainly rural counties between Colombus and Macon.

There are many ways to do the electoral vote counts per county, but I know one way which won’t work, and that is giving an even sum of votes to every county. For the sake of argument, lets say 5 electors per county, as most counties have 4 elected Commissioners and an elected Chairman, which, as it pertains to this writing, tees off of the notion of 2 Senators and 14 Congressmen accounting for 16 electoral votes, as it does in GA. Given the vast advantage Republicans have with counties, that would stack the deck in their favour, even in places like the West Coast and New York. By that same token, the deck would be irrevocably stacked in the Democrats’ favour in almost all of New England. Experts on county-by-county population growth and non-partisan political strategists should be consulted as to how such a system would be constructed.


Using the ATL metro counties of Clayton, DeKalb, Fulton, and Henry as an example, we break down the counties into their various regions.

Clayton County:

The Public School district map drawers have the right idea here, but some revisions need to be made to this map in order to gel with my idea of a Clayton County Electoral College.

1. North Clayton--This combines Districts 4, 8, & 9, and includes the cities of Forest Park & Lake City, the unincorporated communities of Conley, Ellenwood, and Rex, and the area around Hartsfield Jackson International Airport. This would have the (very close)second-largest share of electoral votes in the County.

2. Metro Clayton--Combines districts 5, 6, & most of 7, taking in the red area west of State Road 54 and the green area north of Lake Jodeco Road, and includes the cities of Jonesboro and Morrow, as well as the area around Lake Spivey. Given the population, this one would have the largest share of electoral votes in Clayton County.

3. West Clayton--Combines districts 2 & 3, taking in the purple ares south of both Fayetteville Road and Mundy Mill Road, and includes the city of Riverdale. On population(not land-mass) grounds, this one would contain the third-largest share of the electoral votes.

4. South Clayton--All of district 1 plus purple areas south of Lake Jodeco and Poston Roads, and includes parts of Jonesboro, the whole city of Lovejoy, and the unincorporated communities of Bonanza, Hastings, and Irondale. On size, this one SHOULD be at least #3 in EV's, but it is also the least populous & more rural part of the county. While still containing a fair sum of EV's, it would have to be dead last among the 4, but, given the somewhat more rural nature of the Southern-most tier of the county mixed in with the urban areas towards Jonesboro and Lovejoy, this would have more potential to be a swingier set of electoral votes than the other 3(if Democrats lost any of the other 3, they would have some BIG problems).

DeKalb County:

The Public School district mappers have the right idea here in this proposed map(at the time of release, at least), but revisions must be made to this map in order to gel with my idea of a DeKalb County Electoral College.

1. North DeKalb--All of district 1, encompassing the cities of Chamblee, Doraville, Dunwoody, and North Atlanta. This one would contain the (very close)third-largest share of electoral votes in the County.

2. Metro DeKalb--Encompasses all of district 2, the white section, the northern-most tier of district 3(yellow), and the part of district 4(green) inside Interstate 285, and includes the cities and communities of Atlanta, Avondale Estates, Belvedere Park, Brookhaven, Decatur, North Decatur, Druid Hills, North Druid Hills, East Atlanta, and Scottdale. On population grounds, this one would have the largest share of electoral votes.

3. East DeKalb--Encompasses all of districts 6 & 7, plus the part of district 4 outside Interstate 285, and includes the cities and communities of Clarkston, Glen Haven, Pine Lake, Redan, Stone Mountain, and Tucker. This would have the (very close)second-largest share of electoral votes in the County based on population alone.

4. South DeKalb--Encompasses all of district 5 plus most of district 3, and includes the cities and communities of Belmont, Bouldercrest, Candler-McAfee, Cedar Grove, Constitution, Gresham Park, Klondike, Lithonia, Panthersville, and Snapfinger. This one would, contrary to its size making it one of the bigger electoral regions of the County, have easily the least numerical share of electoral votes.

Fulton County: Central Fulton, encompassing the heart of Atlanta, would have far and away the most electoral votes in a county-wide election. Southern Fulton and Northern Fulton would have to, due to population considerations, be broken into two different vote municipalities. The areas which include the cities of College Park, East Point, Fairburn, Hapeville, Palmetto, and Union City would be called “South Metro,” and would itself have a sizable share of electoral votes. The more rural part of South Fulton, which includes the cities of Campbellton and Chattahoochee Hills, would have a lesser share of votes. The areas in Northern Fulton which include the cities of Alpharetta, Johns Creek, Ocee, Roswell, and Sandy Springs would be called “North Metro,” and would itself contain a sizable number of electoral votes. The more rural part of North Fulton, which includes the cities of Birmingham, Crabapple, Milton, and Mountain Park, would have a lesser share of votes.

Henry County: The county, which I cop to having a more intimate knowledge of than the others(having actually lived there in the somewhat distant past), would be very simply divided four ways in a county-wide Electoral College. Four for each incorporated city in the county(Hampton, Locust Grove, McDonough, & Stockbridge). Stockbridge, being the most populous city, would have the greatest share of electoral votes(sector would include such communities as Dutchtown, a portion of the Clayton County-based community Ellenwood, Flippen, and Kelleytown, as well as the areas around Lake Spivey and Berry Hill Airport), with McDonough, the county seat, following close behind(sector would include such communities such as Blacksville and Ola). Hampton, home of the Atlanta Motor Speedway, takes third in EV shares(sector would also include the area around Tara Field Airport), and Locust Grove, home of the Tanger Outlets Centre, placing a respectable fourth in EV's(sector would also include the community of Luella).

An alternate way of doing a county-wide Electoral College system would be to issue some number of electoral votes to precincts within the county borders, with both early-voting precincts and precincts in the more densely populated areas having the greatest number of electoral votes. That said, this is another discussion for another day.

Speculation regarding the total number of County electors should wait until census-takers, population analysts, and re-apportioners weigh in and come forward with key findings. It would perhaps be ill-advised to base the number of either state, county, or city electoral votes based on the national system of 538 EV's.


A city-wide Electoral College, using Atlanta as an example, would involve the same principles as a county-wide Electoral College. We break the city down into its individual regions and assign electoral votes based on population. The regions of Atlantic Station, Buckhead, Chastain Park, Downtown, Midtown, and Perimeter would have the largest share of electoral votes. Capitol View, Grant Park, Paces, Piedmont Heights, and Poncey-Highland would be in the middle-tier with regards to share of electoral votes. Adamsville, Joyland, Mechanicsville, Pine Hills, Southwestern, and Underwood Hills would receive a lesser share of electoral votes, but would likely still have a fair number given dense population in the Atlanta area.

You could probably also divide the city into its individual precincts, as well, and assign electoral votes that way. Again, a discussion for another day.

Something to consider for your Easter Sunday.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

BREAKING: John McCain Exposes Himself at Town Hall Meeting

In a disgusting and shocking display sure to cause questions regarding the Senator's mental state as he prepares for a re-election fight, John McCain was seen exposing himself at a town hall meeting featuring him and fellow AZ Republican Senator Jeff Flake. According to bystanders, McCain had been behaving as though he was off his medications all through the meeting, erratically ranting about subjects ranging from the Ayatollah to Obama's arming of the Islamic State to keeping up with the Kardashians to why he(and neither John Lennon nor Paul McCartney) is, in fact, the Walrus. It was when he was fielded a question regarding his own seeming inability to vote against the wishes of defence contractors that he totally freaked out, shouting "Oh, you want MANHOOD? WELL THEN, I'LL SHOW YOU SOME MANHOOD." The Senator then reached into his pants and pulled out his member, not realizing until it was too late that there wasn't much to pull out. McCain promptly lost his balance and fell backwards onto his rear end, to the abject shock and horror of the crowd.

Senator Jeff Flake(R-AZ), who was sitting near McCain when the incident took place, gave his own observations on the incident: "I saw nothing. Really, I thought I saw him reaching into what I thought was his front pocket and pulling out what looked like a dog treat. Hey, there WERE pets in the crowd. Seeing pictures and news reports from the event was quite surreal and very confusing. I would never have expected this kind of press bias of an event as seemingly personal and sad as this one." Almost immediately after he offered his observations, his claims collapsed under considerable media cross-examination and #FlakeOut quickly became a top trender on Twitter as a result.

Almost immediately, Real estate magnate and leading 2016 GOP Presidential prospect Donald Trump added his own, ah, unique thoughts on the situation: "Who's to say that wasn't a decoy? Documentation, people! Personally, I blame Obama. That man will do ANYthing to distract us from his declaring martial law and cancelling elections in our country. SHAMEFUL!"

Vice President Joe Biden, who was sauntering back to the White House after a day of jet skiing in the Reflecting Pool at the Washington Monument, issued a brief statement on the matter of McCain: "When I told him to 'gird his loins,' I never thought he'd take it seriously. I was practically joking when I said that. You'd think he'd have figured that out, but I guess not. You have to admit, though--Pretty funny. I tried that with the wife of one of our freshman Senators, and all that got me was a rather surprisingly enthusiastic recommendation to Bellevue. Sigh, some people are just TOUCHY about these things."

Bill Clinton chimed in with his observations: "That's no way to pick up the ladies. Senator McCain needs to consult somebody who knows a thing or two about these matters." (*wink, wink*)

TMZ caught up with the Senator to ask him a few probing questions regarding recent events. On the events from earlier today: "Hey, you know, things happen. I need not remind you of that time one of your reporters got drunk, came onto me, and pounded on my office door until 4 in the morning. But, you know, I like to look on the bright side of things. That incident is the most 'action' I've personally either seen or felt since Vietnam, and it was quite a thrill. Who knows, maybe I should do a stripping routine at one of Washington DC's area night clubs." After the reporter begged him and pleaded with him to not go through with such behaviour, the Senator was asked about how things were going between him and Senator Lindsey Graham(R-SC) almost one year into their marriage. The Senator replied: "How does one sum up the best year of his life? I would say that it has been absolutely, positively splendiferous! How can it be explained any other way? Lindsey is the best thing that has ever happened to me, not counting, of course, being released from prison in Vietnam. He and I share similar views of the world, on music, and on fine dining. He also really knows how to love a man and make him feel young again, but I digress." When asked about his ex-wife Cindy, McCain replied "Oh, she's actually been very supportive of Lindsey and I in our relationship. This old man just couldn't deliver the goods, whether it was old age, the war wound down there, or whatever. I do know for a fact that she's seeing lots of other men. I hear Senator Tom Cotton(R-AR) gives her lemon butter baths in the Senate Bathroom Suite. She used to go out with Senator Cruz, but apparently ObamaCare's not the only thing he's flip-flopped on, if you get my drift."

"Poor old Chuck Schumer," McCain added before leaving for his Old Western-themed date night with Senator Graham. "He recently had the misfortune of walking in on them at 3 AM a few nights ago as they were trying to, you know, 'have children.' You'd think he would have learned what the 'Keep Out' sign meant, but I guess not."